How to master soft skills as an IT pro
Keeping up with all the latest technology skills is no easy task. But if there’s one area where IT professionals have an especially hard time, it’s probably with developing soft skills.
Indeed, the IT workforce is almost legendary in its challenge at mastering communication, relationship building, and conflict resolution skills. But those are among the skills most likely to help an employee advance in any career, workforce experts say.
There’s some good news in the fact that the problems don’t always lie with personality traits. But then again, they often do. In any event, there are ways to assess soft skills shortcomings and overcome them.
When personality issues aren’t the biggest problems
“The most common soft skill gaps I see in IT aren’t about personality—they’re about visibility, influence, and alignment with business priorities,” explains Soft Skills are Hard founder Juliette Mao. Soft Skills are Hard is a coaching platform focused on emotional intelligence and communication in business. While the full platform is in development, Mao currently coaches leaders on how to demonstrate greater clarity, empathy, and confidence with co-workers.
Specifically, Mao says IT professionals often struggle with the following:
- Translating technical complexity into business relevance – Many IT pros struggle to distill technical information into clear, actionable insight for cross-functional stakeholders.
- Emotional intelligence under pressure – Reading the room, managing tone, or adapting communication style—especially in high-stakes moments—can be underdeveloped.
- Productive conflict and influence – Whether pushing back on unrealistic timelines or negotiating scope, many haven’t been equipped to navigate tension while maintaining trust.
When personality traits are at the root of the problems
While these shortcomings sound innocent enough, there’s no denying there are plenty of occasions when the lack of soft skills can be traced to personality style.
“My experience with IT pros is that many of them are introverts and sometimes painfully shy,” says Jennifer Long, director of learning design at Harvard Business Publishing. “They are often uncomfortable in social situations and lack core ‘niceties’ – seemingly superficial, but very important- as well as the more robust soft skills like presentation skills, conflict management, coaching, delegating, and giving feedback.”
“I won’t put it all on tech pros. Leaders play a crucial role in creating a supportive culture that values respect and collaboration.”
Long agrees that one key and common challenge for IT pros is accurately reading an audience and tailoring information specifically for that audience.
“A classic example is an IT pro presenting or giving a demo during a stakeholder review meeting where most of the stakeholders are not IT pros,” Long says. “In that context, the critical information is probably the functional performance of what is being presented, not the details of the technical design. Yet, I have often seen IT pros focus on the technical details and completely ignore the purpose or function of what they’ve built. This is absolutely not going to resonate with the audience.”
The higher you go, the more the problem grows
Soft skill gaps can show up at any level, but they tend to be more pronounced in roles that are highly technical and historically siloed—such as systems engineers, infrastructure teams, or cybersecurity specialists, Mao explains.
“These roles often require deep focus and technical precision, but offer fewer built-in opportunities for cross-functional communication or stakeholder alignment. As a result, interpersonal skills like active listening, empathy, and message tailoring may not develop as naturally,” Mao says.
That said, the gap becomes more visible—and more costly—the higher someone rises. Once an IT professional steps into a leadership or cross-functional role, communication becomes the job. And that shift can be jarring without intentional support, Mao explains.
Career impacts from suffering soft skills deficiency
Falling short in the area of soft skills can be especially rough for any IT pro that has their sights set on rising through the ranks.
“Career stagnation is the most obvious risk, as well as challenges with managing and growing a team once promoted into a supervisory role,” Long explains. “Leaders now have to work across the organization and collaborate across functional and global lines, so interpersonal skills become increasingly important as you progress in your career.”
Weak soft skills eventually cap influence, Mao agrees. An IT pro may be technically excellent, but if they can’t communicate clearly, lead a room, or navigate tension, they’ll struggle to earn trust or take on broader responsibility. Promotions often hinge less on what you know and more on how you lead, collaborate, and drive outcomes through others, she says.
Quite simply, in today’s environment, soft skills are no longer nice-to-have—they’re a differentiator for leadership roles and strategic impact, Mao says.
Assessing one’s own soft skills strengths and weaknesses
To best assess their own soft skill and communication capabilities, IT pros should start by getting feedback—regularly-and from multiple perspectives, Mao says.
“Soft skills are tricky to self-assess because they show up in how others experience you. IT pros can learn a lot by asking peers or managers specific questions like, ‘Was I clear in that meeting?’ or ‘How did my response come across?’ Tools like 360 reviews or leadership assessments can also surface patterns,” Mao says.
Self-reflection matters too—especially after high-stakes conversations, Mao explains. “Ask: ‘Did I adapt to my audience?’ ‘Did I listen or just respond?’ “Noticing those moments is the first step toward growth.”
The role managers can play in soft skills development
Another important step in personal growth is the role that managers play in properly coaching their reports.
“I won’t put it all on the tech pros,” says Audrey Halpern, consultant at ARH Employee Training, a soft skills consultancy that offers employee improvement advice. “Leaders play a crucial role in creating a supportive culture that values respect and collaboration.”
Halpern says that managers should lead by example and model empathy and active listening in interactions to help IT professionals better understand and connect with their co-workers.
“Also, provide constructive feedback to reinforce professional and behavioral issues that could get in the way of successful outcomes,” Halpern says. “And don’t forget praise and appreciation, to celebrate successes. Through fostering open communication and feedback, managers can create an environment where open and constructive feedback is encouraged, which can improve communication and relationship dynamics.”
Mastering soft skills separates the best IT pros from the rest
Perhaps the most important message for IT pros is that soft skills aren’t soft—they’re strategic, Mao says. For IT professionals, they’re often the difference between being seen as a technical contributor and being trusted as a business partner.
The good news is these skills can be learned, practiced, and refined like any other. But it starts with treating them as essential—not optional—for long-term success and leadership.
“It often starts with a real-world moment—maybe a meeting didn’t land well, or there was tension in how something was communicated,” Mao explains. “I’ll bring that moment to them with care and curiosity, asking for their perspective before offering mine. That opens the door to reflection, not defensiveness.”
From there, an IT manager should focus on building awareness before performance—helping them notice how they’re showing up: their tone, word choice, and how they’re being received by others.
“Once they can see the patterns, we identify one or two key skills to strengthen and begin practicing in a focused, real-world way. Small shifts, done consistently, lead to meaningful change,” Mao says.
Finally, says Long, “the only way we get better at a skill is to practice it – and get feedback on how we are doing. It is not enough to read about it or just watch a video. That’s passive learning and won’t address the skill gap.”
